Most recently I have been engaged in a number of conversations with my friend Jason about His first baby on the way. He has been having anxieties on how much his life will change. I find myself advising him on how he will have to adjust. We discuss the baby needs, how the baby will cry and sleep
Looking back the most memorable moment of the birth in the early hours of morning, nurses milling about and then a tiny creature being whisked away and before long she’s was in my arms. Her first feeble cries were the sweetest sounds. This is my daughter I thought to myself. I am a dad. I felt so blessed to have been given this gift of a perfect little human being.
I remember people visiting my home and her resting on my chest. I felt so proud. Little did I know that it would be so hard to calm her down during the coming months that she wouldn’t be sleeping so comfortably in my arms, that there’ll be sleepless nights and crying and frustration. It didn’t matter afterwards and it also didn’t matter in those first few days. I was just trying to teach myself that I’m a father.
I remember Jason commenting how this little baby had suddenly changed my heart. Nothing was more important to me. Suddenly I could overlook a messy house. Leave my job at a reasonable hour. And decline happy hour invites in favor of more time with her. For the first time in a long time I did not need an alarm to wake me.
I see the world in a different way now. It’s much scarier and more dangerous now, yet at the same time you get to see things through the eyes of an innocent child, with wonder and amazement.
Jason looked up at me inquisitively as these thoughts flooded my head. Indeed my heart did change once I had her. I will never be the same person. Everything in my life has realigned as she has risen to the top of the list. Every emotion is felt more deeply, more acutely. She will forever carry a piece of my heart with her. And she is the first, the one to start it all.